


onto me (all over me)

by kuroshironimu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Falling Out of Love, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 08:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11482905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroshironimu/pseuds/kuroshironimu
Summary: Even a fool would notice the way they're drifting apart.





	onto me (all over me)

**Author's Note:**

> in loving memory of dojae.
> 
> kudos to my beta. she's the first one i showed this piece because i wanna know if it's enough to make people cry. it turned out to be a mess instead.

Doyoung noticed, and perhaps Jaehyun did as well.

 

 

It wasn’t drastic measures or rocket science; it just happened.

 

 

Once, there were moments when their eyes met each other - be it shy glances or longing gaze, the desires connected. Their hands would intertwine where no other could see, Jaehyun’s thumb rubbing soothing circles on his knuckles and Doyoung would squeeze their hands together, tight enough to never let him go. Small touches sent sparks down his spine, his lips upturned into a giddy smile, and how joyful it was to notice the same thing affected the younger boy at the same time.

 

 _Soulmate_ was the word that still rung clearly in his ears, like a sweet melody replayed from his memory. Jaehyun would whisper it to him, over and over again, just to see Doyoung laugh.

 

Once, they were all sweet words and sunshine, blindingly bright.

 

 

 

It didn’t happen in a blink of an eye. It was a gradual change, a distinct habit overtaking their time so subtly that Doyoung wouldn’t even notice the difference. Debut made it hard, practices and shows consuming their times before anything else, but they were nothing but determined. His eyes would find Jaehyun in the midst of the crowd like a magnet, and his smile was always welcomed with another one as wide as his. Their hands would held for a brief moment, enough for them to feel each other’s warmth before they walked apart, fingertips tingling. There were hushed whispers, more giggles, promises of shared mattress and late-night cuddling as soon as they reach home.

 

Those promises were yet to be fulfilled, because exhaustion seeped so thoroughly into their bones and more often than not they were already asleep when the television was turned on. More often it was Jaehyun, so Doyoung would gently usher him to the room he shared with Johnny before the younger fell asleep on the couch. Times were hard, but Doyoung still naively believed on love. 

 

 

_(He whispered it on Jaehyun’s ears once, when the dorm was quiet and Johnny’s deep grunts were the only noises he could hear bouncing from the four-wall room._

_He didn’t notice then that Jaehyun never really say anything back to him.)_

 

 

Doyoung wasn’t really sure how it happened, but he only noticed the rift slowly generating between them, growing apart from each other. There were no more stolen kisses when the light’s out or ams wrapped around each other during quiet night-time. No laughter was exchanged beneath the rumpled blanket during winter evenings, or any whispers at the back of the van when they were all tired and wary.

 

Doyoung could never find Jaehyun’s eyes anymore, no matter how hard he tried.

 

 

When he did, Doyoung thought that he mistook it for something else, because he can’t see the same spark reflected in those dark eyes.

 

 

 

 

“Jaehyun-ah, wanna watch this together?”

 

The night was quiet, and the stretched silence between them was almost enough to make Doyoung suffocate. The couch was where they always stay when the others were asleep, Jaehyun cuddled too close until he’s almost on Doyoung’s lap because he loved the closeness, he loved the warmth. Doyoung remembered that Jaehyun liked to rest his head on Doyoung’s shoulder while complaining that Doyoung was too bony, not enough fat or muscle to be a proper cushion (but he still latched on, anyway, arms strong around Doyoung’s middle). Doyoung remembered the playful banter of movie choices before they settled on random collection from the shelf. Doyoung remembered that he will always be the first one to fall asleep, head resting on Jaehyun’s until he woke up in the next morning on the couch, wrapped around two blankets and the distinct sweet smell of chocolate.

 

Doyoung wasn’t sure if Jaehyun still remember.

 

Jaehyun looked down at him from where he stood, something flash on his eyes but the dim light made it hard for Doyoung to see. He shrugged, dimples showing as he said, “sure, _hyung_ ,” and settled himself on the couch, the blanket Doyoung had prepared beforehand had been wrapped around himself. Their eyes lingered on the screen, laughing at the scenes, bantering over each other’s blankets, until Doyoung’s eyes closed shut halfway during the movie.

 

If Jaehyun noticed that Doyoung was playing one of his favorite movies, he didn’t say anything.

 

If Doyoung noticed the wide space between their seats, he didn’t say anything.

 

 

 

 

 _Suffocated,_ Doyoung would describe it as such. His hands were cold and clammy, lips chapped and head buzzing with too much thoughts to comprehend. In front of him was Jaehyun, and on his back was the pavement of Seoul’s bustling street, the only thing separating them was a thin iron railing rusted with time. Doyoung realized how he hate that word nowadays, _time._ As though it was the sole reason of this mess, his strayed feelings.

 

As though _time_ was the reason why Jaehyun stood in front of him, yet Doyoung knew perfectly that Jaehyun never stay with him.

 

 

“Is there something wrong between us?”

 

 

It’s not like they were _together_ to begin with. No matter how many words they had said to each other, none of them came close to describe their relationship. There were never _‘love’_ to say, and eyes can only reveal so much. They relied on touches, on every grasp of their hands and the glow on their eyes. Action spoke louder than words, was what Doyoung always believed. He thought it was enough, that he couldn’t ask for nothing more. But the expanding rift, the growing distance between them, was too much to bear. Doyoung can’t watch by when their memories were washed away by the currents.

 

Jaehyun was smiling at him. Doyoung realized it wasn’t the smile reserve for him – it was the smile Jung Jaehyun put as an act, the camera smile he had perfected over the years. The roof where they stood was cold, the autumn wind gusting harshly against their bodies and Doyoung huddled under his thin hoodie, wishing nothing more than Jaehyun’s arms to keep him warm. But Jaehyun was so far away from his reach, and his face was colder than the harsh wind trying to knock him off his feet. It almost caught Doyoung off guard, but it didn’t surprise him as much as it should be – and the thought alone scared him.

 

Looking back at it, maybe Doyoung should’ve known better.

 

 

 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, _hyung.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgetting – Jaehyun made it look so easy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doyoung liked to pretend, and so he did.

 

 

He pretended the space between them didn’t exist, and Jaehyun was beside him, their hands intertwined and sweet whispers were exchanged between little kisses.

 

He pretended Jaehyun still held onto their memories, of the warmth they shared together.

 

 

 

Doyoung pretended Jaehyun still love him.

**Author's Note:**

> i swear i want them to be happy.


End file.
